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Winter Blues

20 Jan

Good morning!

As of December 23, the days are getting longer again.  The sun IS shining more than it did yesterday.  We are inching closer to summer.  But that light/warmth at the end of the tunnel/snow bank still seems far away. 

One of the side effects of the winter blues is the challenge of staying motivated.  How good does a salad for dinner sound when your body is still chilled from driving home from work?  Maybe it’s just me, when it comes down to it, a hearty plate of spaghetti and meatballs trumps spinach leaves many nights. 

angelina jolie vacationing in minnesota

Somedays, stepping out into the cold, but having the sun shine down while your nose hairs freeze, makes me feel alive and connected to humanity by experiencing what Mother Nature has to give.  But, that moment is fleeting.  Only once this winter have I actually run outside.  That was Christmas morning.  I mostly needed to get out my parents house and felt the need to work off a couple of the hundreds of Christmas cookies I had consumed.

Anyway, this post doesn’t have a point to it other than to say, the journey has slowed.  I’m only down like 2 lbs since Christmas.  I guess since most people gain weight during this period, I’m not mad.  But it’s mostly that the more winter drags on, it sucks the motivation out of me.  Maybe a tropical vacation could help?  Or someone to fuck?  Or just know that anything I can do now will just help me move forward and make me feel even better when my skin doesn’t crack everytime I open a door.

Til then, keep thinking skinnyhotsexxy thoughts. 





6 Jan

Much time has passed since my last post.  Ma b.  Not surprisingly, life happened.  I’ve lost a little over 10 lbs in that time.  Some days it’s been hard and others it’s been quite easy.  The holidays were a slip up, but less so than in years past.  Just as I plan on getting back on the healthy way of life as I push through the Christmas cookie coma, I plan on blogging about it yet again.   

Like sands through the hour glass, these are the days of our lives.

THESE are the days of our lives




8 Oct

One of the adjectives that I openly accept about myself is that I can be a little creepy.  I mean this in a benign, harmless way.  I just like to think that I’m curious, inquisitve and engaged.  I remember people from high school that don’t remember me.  I have I think somewhere in the range of 1,400 facebook friends.  Whatever.

Anyway, I am also a big Twins fan (even though our boys aren’t looking good against the evil pinstripes).  Apparantly, every year the Twins rookies dress up in costumes, at the end of the season.  It’s kind of a hazing rookie thing.  Seems kind of funny to me.  I know my fair share of baseball players, and overall, I would say that baseball players are a fun bunch.  They’re my top pick (though who can resist a soccer player’s body?!?!?!).  SO, being the engaged, inquisitive, curious person I am, I’m friends with the squirrely side-armer, Pat Neshek.  On his blog, he had a pic of the rookies dressed up.

Most are more beautiful than I would have thought.  I knew Butera was out.  But Trevor Plouffe?  Maybe he should get some more innings so I can see him.  But hands down, Danny Valencia fills out that Borat suit well, even with the censor (damn you, Neshek).

So, if you hear of a Vanessa Valencia in the news, just be happy that I’m out, continuing to live the dream.  If you’re lucky, I’ll post the honeymoon pics, and I’ll exclude the censor block.



my husband - Danny Valencia, Alex Burnett, Drew Butera, Jeff Manship, Ben Revere, Trevor Plouffe

The latest list

21 Sep

Last week, I had my first Weight Watchers meeting.  A ditched me, that piece of shit.  JK.  I had ditched her.  But now we’ve both gone to our first meeting and are ready to dive in.  I’m excited for the journey and look forward to blogging about it.

However, being the suck-up student I was, I feel it’s more important to work on my first (and only) assignment from the meeting, before I start spilling my feelings about it.

So, after the first meeting, the lovely leader, who had lost over 150 lbs on WW and kept it off for like 10 years, met with me.  She asked me why I was there and joining WW.  She then encouraged me to make a list of 25 reasons why I want to be there.  Most of the lists A and I make are of how many people we’ve boned, how many states we’ve boom-boomed in, you know, classy shit like that.  But, this is the meat and potatoes of the drawstrings to g-strings journey, so here goes:

1. I want to be skinnier than I am now, but I’m not unhappy or really unhealthy.  But, I DO NOT want to get any bigger.  So, I’m here to figure out a healthy lifestyle that I can carry with me.  Maybe that can count for 2 things.  We’ll see how this goes.

2. I never want to be obese.  Obese is an ugly word.  I’m technically not obese, but I am overweight.  Let’s make sure I NEVER get there.

3. I want my hot future husband to not have to settle for a non-hottie.

4. I want to confidently wear a bikini.

5. I want to be the hot friend, not just the fun or funny or nice friend.  I love being that friend, but I’m ok with throwing the hot one in there too 😉

6. I don’t want to turn to food when I’m stressed or sad.

7. Or on that note, to celebrate or reward myself.  I would like food to be something I enjoy, but doesn’t need to stress me out.

8. I want to run around the lakes in little spandex shorts or just a sports bra.

9. I want to be a yoga instructor as a side job, when I’m a teacher.

10. I don’t want my appearance or my weight to be my crutch as to what is “holding me back”

11. I want to wear clothes sizes that are only one digit.

12. I want to be proud of who I am.

13. I want to always love myself.

14. I want to turn heads when I walk into a room.

15. I want to run a half marathon under two hours.

16. I want to live an active lifestyle.

17. I never want to be out of breath after walking up stairs.

18. I don’t want a muffin top.

19. I want to wear low rise jeans.

20. I want to be able to sit on a man’s lap and not feel self-conscious.

21. I want to overcome an obstacle that I’ve faced my entire life.

22. I want to inspire a healthy lifestyle in those around me.

23. I want to have a focus and a reason for my actions (eating and exercising).

24. I want to make sure the world sees me as I see me.

25. I want to be the kick-ass sexy bitch I know I am.



The Trough

15 Sep

I work in the bakery/deli department at a food distributor.  We don’t make the food, but we decide what to have available for our stores, what to feature, etc.

So, vendors always like to show us their new products.  As you can imagine, in a bakery/deli department, this includes (but is not limited to) cookies, cakes, cheesecakes, donuts, pies, brownies, breads, rolls, buns, muffins, scones, meat, dips, salads (mayo based, duh), crackers, chips, cheeses, buffalo wings, boneless buffalo wings, meatloaf, macaroni and cheese, green beans, stuffing, and that’s just off the top of my head…

These are then set out on a little counter in our department.  And by little, I mean, it’s probably 6 feet long and 3 feet wide.  The department is kind of set-up in a horseshoe shape.  This counter is right at the top of the horseshoe, next to the printer.  How convienent.  The other side of my wall is actually what the shelf is attached to.  How convienent, again.

We have fondly named this shelf, the trough.  Because we essentially just graze and feed all day long. 

Intially, it was hard to say no.  Then it got better.  But, let me tell you; on those long days when you’re ready to punch the next person who emails you a dumb question, the cheescake looks GOOD. 

The one thing about it, is it’s easier to say no to desserts when I’m out in real life, because I’m sick of them.  Want a donut?  No thank you, last week I had 5 in one day.  They were baked fresh an hour ago and iced right in front of my face.  This has been sitting out for hours.  I’m better than that.

Anyway, today we just have a couple of those roll cakes (it’s like a cake that has some sort of filling, rolled up, so when you cut a slice, it’s a delightful little spiral of let’s say, angel food cake and raspberry filling), and a couple of cheesecakes.

Anyway, the trough is one of my biggest adversaries in this little journey.  I’ll send updates when the selection is particularly good/bad.



The Tongue is the Strongest Muscle in the Body

15 Sep

I just counted, it’s been 9 years since I took a real actual hard-science class.  In college, my liberal arts science was psychology (with some sort of lab that I had to touch a mouse) and forensic science (I could probably make meth if I wanted).  But, those were in the days before I drank, so I’ll assume my memory will serve me well.  Anyway, I’m pretty sure in those early days of science, I heard somewhere that per square inch (or likely some fancy unit of measurement), the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body.

So I mean, when I run my mouth all day long, I’m actually just exercising.  Sorry for being interested in fitness. 

But, just like I do with all exercise, if it doesn’t result in some cool skill or makes my body hotter, what’s the point?  So below is a lil exercise to hone those skillz in the strongest muscle of your body.  Enjoy.

How to of the day —

How to Tie  Cherry Stem with Your Tongue



The Case of Mistaken Identity

30 Aug

Earlier this summer, I learned a lesson the hard way (and when I say hard, I mean, as hard as one can be at 2:30 am after about 15 beers and likely some NFL furnished illict substances); when on a weekend getaway with a large group of friends, discretion is CRUCIAL when it comes to engaging in intimate relations.  Nothing more needs to be said, other than, lesson learned.  Point taken.

I have two annual cabin parties a summer.  The first is the one that provided the aforementioned lesson.  The second one I just returned from.  Also worth noting, for the past year or so, I have had two gentlemen friends who can be counted on in dire circumstances.  Coincidentally, each cabin party includes one of these men.  How convenient.

Anywho, the latest, the Barnes Extravaganza, was a delightful experience.  I was looking forward to some fun in the sun.  And fun in the sun I got.  I was also kind of looking forward to time with gentlemen number 2 (we’ll call him Longbottom), but like I said, I already had some randy cabin fun, and this is a slightly tamer crowd that Cabin Trip 1, so I knew to be patient.  Longbottom and I have been fortunate enough to find empty closets and such in the past, but you never want to push your luck.

On Friday night, I celebrated the cabin weekend with gusto.  Eventually, the time had come for me to retire.  I headed up to my favorite bedroom and was ready to put myself to bed.  (Un)fortunately, I noticed that someone else had set-up camp in my room, but the bed was wide open.  Not long after I put myself to bed, did someone join me in my bed.  Immediately this guest started engaging in classic drunk bed sharing game of footsie/leg rub/hair stroke/etc.  Still passed out/sleeping, I gave back similar gestures, but nothing further happened.  Maybe an hour later, I woke up to get a drink of water.  On my way back to bed, I decided to maybe iniate something more.  Longbottom is never mad about being woken up, and we were at the cabin.  So why not?!  WELL, fortunately, I decided to actually look at my bedmate this time and noticed that it was NOT Longbottom, but instead another gentlemen.  I almost screamed.  Thank God something held me back from engaging in anything more that playful petting and saved me the embarassment of grabbing a lil candy wrapper from my bag and seductively bringing  it back to bed (along with my water, of course).

Though I walked away with no ass, sometimes that’s better than awkward or the wrong ass.  I’ve learned this lesson through trial and error, and though I recommend trying a lot, becareful of the drastic error.